Sounds like “I can chill” and

YES you can at this cozy beach house

in Maya Beach.

If you want to kick back and relax in a private setting, this is the place.   Enjoy magnificent sunrises and views from the deck.  The house is tastefully decorated and fully equipped for comfortable living.  Stores, Restaurants and Bars are within walking distance either by beach or road.

SERVICES

ACCOMMODATIONS

High Season Price Category: $130 USD

Special Rates: Please inquire

Low Season Rates: $110 USD

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There was a story in one of the papers last week, about the Village of Duck Run 3 (is there really a Duck Run 1 and 2?) written by the Village Chairman, who complained about an individual receiving a liquor license without the consent of the Village Council. This person opened a bar of some sort, and started to serve “firewater” to the locals, thereby plunging the community into a kind of dark ages, with drunkenness and rude behavior. And yes, machete fights.

It was a pretty interesting story, and I tried unsuccessfully to contact both the chairman and the dastardly bar owner, but the time was too short. (This is a very short week for printing folks.) So I just have to go with what I’ve got, which is an image of a quiet community turned pirate due to the sale of grog.

Now I don’t know how quiet the community was before, since even the Chairman admits that the villagers used to go outside to buy their booze, but I have to suppose that the young bulls committed all their fiery acts in that other settlement. Maybe, that other unnamed community is now happy that this village has their own bar, and maybe now there is peace there, since all these foreign rum and beer drinkers do not have to jump the border for a throwback.

It is rather unfortunate that some folks have to get so worked up when they partake of the “devil’s” beverage, and then resort to fisticuffs and sword (sorry, machete) play. And it is even more unfortunate if what the Chairman said is true – His Council did not approve the liquor license, but it was still done behind their backs.

As a former Chairman of my Village of Burrell Boom, I can fully attest to what he is saying, as this kind of thing happened all the time. On the one hand, the government of the day wants individuals in their communities to volunteer to lead, but on the other hand, it seems once the positions are filled, things just go on as usual; damn the Village Council Act!

It is rather unfortunate, I think, that some people just do not follow the rules. As a matter of fact, I have discovered that people do want change, BUT only if it gives them an edge. They do NOT want fairness at all. Any positive change must be positive for their wallet or purse. And as soon as they see that any new changes are not paying off, (for them) then it is back to the drawing board.

Niall Gillett

At a meeting last week, some parents and I were discussing the high murder rate in Belize. I deliberately say “Murder Rate” because we are told that the “Crime Rate” is down considerably. I brought up the subject of how absolutely appalling it was to see the police transport bodies to the morgue in the back of a pickup truck. How many times have we seen that scene where a person is picked up, wrapped in a sheet, placed on the rack, and unceremoniously dumped in the pan?

This discussion came up, by the way, as we were trying to come up with ways to raise money for our local scout troop, and I had suggested that a good business idea would be to buy a nice van, paint it black, equip it with straps and body bags, and paint “City Morgue” on the rear. Then we would charge a fee for the transportation of, er.. “Bodies” to KHMH. You may think I am taking the issue of death lightly, but don’t you think it is about time that this “Pickup Pan” practice comes to an end? Remember that the people that are so unceremoniously transported in all sorts of weather are somebody’s mother, father, brother, daughter, son.

I was very surprised when I heard about the death of my friend, Keith Swift. I was even more shocked when I witnessed his removal from his home in the above like manner, wrapped in bedsheets, packed in the rack, and dumped in the pickup truck next to its wobbling spare tire. How many times has this scene been videoed, and publicly displayed for the nation – and now it has happened to him? This practice must stop.

We may not feel any twinge of pity when it happens to those followers of the devil who continue to shoot and kill each other, random bystanders, and the occasional mistaken identities, but many times we have seen accident victims so transported from the carnage on the highways. Not only that, but do you know how difficult it is to transport a body from one district to the other – especially if your loved one has passed away in Belize City and you live in the districts?

Think about it. What will your last ride be? Will you be the next one bouncing around in the back of a pickup truck (God help you if it is raining), threatening to fall out at each pothole or sleeping policeman? Or will you at least have some final dignity of having you and your parts (if you are in a bad accident) secured in a human sized ziplock bag, and safely and privately transported to the Morgue for your signing off?

I am serious here. Dead serious even (pun intended). We need a morgue van for the transportation of human beings to KHMH. If we can buy $100,000 SUV’s, then we must be able to buy a simple, enclosed diesel van with split rear doors, a sealed separation between the er.. cargo and the driver, Air Conditioning, a gurney, and a supply of body bags. No life support required. And oh, it must be painted all black or white and say “City Morgue”, somewhere prominently on it.

Don’t like my idea? Let’s hope that spare tire doesn’t one day fall on you.

Originally published 4/1/2008

It is customary to let your hair down, so to speak, on the first day of April each year, and celebrate April Fools day by playing pranks and jokes on each other. Children do it at school. Adults do it at work. Even the media plays along by hailing some new development or astounding news as fact. But even though the stories may be believable in one sense, no one really takes it all seriously, and it is usually done in good fun. We are human, after all. But there is nothing fun or joking about the request by Belize Electricity Limited to the PUC for an increase in rates. No sir, not one bit, and for good reason.

If the request had come about a week or so later, then I am sure we would have all accepted it as a joke, took it as jolly good fun, and thought it all to be in the April Fools spirit.  After all, any one who pays a “light bill” (there is a pun in there somewhere) surely knows the impact that expenditure has on a budget, wallet, or purse. Yes sir, electricity is one thing we cannot live without – some folks even dare to call it an essential service – so to happily ask for an increase around this time of year must surely be a prank of some kind. What? With current rates as high as they are already?

But it was not a joke. That is why the request did not occur on April Fools. These guys were serious. They actually want more. And they were not afraid to demand it from the people who could least afford it. I will not even attempt to explain in this article their reasons for wanting the increase, but wiser heads tell me that it is because their profits are not what they should be, or need to be, or something like that. Whatever the reason, more is required. This seems to be a theme of some sort these days – Give me more, and as for the poor, let them eat cake.

But I digress. Let’s return to my rant. I do not know exactly how many paying customers BEL has, but I do know that there has to be a limit to what can be charged before our citizens have to choose between electricity or eating, power or food. And it is obvious that BEL believes that they have not hit the top of that curve yet. No, good Belizeans, something is telling this corporate giant that our wallets still have life left, our purses are still breathing, and our household budgets can be stretched just so much more so. Food? Don’t need that! School for our children? Too bad! Housing? Well this is what got us addicted in the first place, right? All those fancy gadgets like refrigerators, washing machines, and light bulbs; we want theses luxuries, right? Then we better be prepared to pay, and how.

Oh, the dams! I have to rant about the dams! Do we have two, or is it three, or four by now? And with each comes the promise of lower rates and self sufficiency. Yet it seems that they are being built for naught, except to change the formerly emerald sparkle of my local river to a hazy green. What a price to pay for cheaper power. I am sure that even the crocodiles would protest if they could hold signs in their tiny claws.

Thankfully, Belizeans were up in arms about the proposed increase, and thankfully x 2, the PUC actually denied the request. What a surprise! This gives me something to hope about, at least until there is another request based on some other technical calculation that I won’t understand. Or, maybe we may get a press release from that power-full (no pun intended) corporate citizen that we Belizeans are just “too thin-skinned mein”, and it was all just a joke. April Fools!!

Niall Gillett

 Is it even kosher in these days to title an article with the word “kill?” Maybe I should say “kindly get rid of,” instead.  But really that is how I feel after being bombarded day after day with computer enhanced vocals found now in everything from country music to punta rama. And in my humble opinion, that sucks big time, at least for Belizean artists trying to promote Belizean music.

 If you don’t know what the Autotune is, here is a quick definition: According to Wikipedia, “Auto-Tune is a proprietary^[2] audio processor created by Antares Audio Technologies. Auto-Tune uses a phase vocoder to correct pitch in vocal and instrumental performances. It is used to disguise off-key inaccuracies and mistakes, and has allowed singers to perform perfectly tuned vocal tracks without the need of singing in tune. While its main purpose is to slightly bend sung pitches to the nearest true semitone (to the exact pitch of the nearest tone in traditional equal temperament), Auto-Tune can be used as an effect to distort the human voice when pitch is raised/lowered significantly.^[3]

This product, in layman’s terms, allows even a medicore singer to sing perfectly in tune and pitch, and a people who cannot sing to sound like Optimus Prime from the Transformers. You remember Zap & Roger’s “Computer Love,” and “More bounce to the ounce?” How about Herbie Hancock’s ”Rock it?” Those were the hot tunes from yesteryear which not only demonstrate my age, but also kept a genre of that kind of mechanically-aided singing popular (The first vocoder was purely mechanical/electrical-no computer).

And that was ok, because although this device had its niche in certain music and in movies, the entire music world turned upside down when Cher released her hit song “Believe,” the first real application of the Autotune – which, coincidentally, was created by an engineer working for Exxon. (Yes, the Autotune is linked to oil exploration!) Since then, it seems as if every modern singer cannot sing without it, whether on a recording or at a live performance.

And therein lies our dilemma. One – as much as I do not mind an occasional song with the massively distorted computer voice, it seems as if everything now has it to various degrees, but apparently most bordering on the ridiculous (And others simply crossing the boundary with carefree abandon.) Two, when it comes to our local singers singing local music, I think unless our vocalists just want to imitate North American or Jamaican “music,” there is a serious need for us to promote good artists with natural talent – people who can sing without electronic help as foundation, then take it from there.

I mean, what’s next? – Autotune for Karoake? ARRGGGGHHH – it already exists! Check out www.autotunekaroake.net. One last thing – let’s have a contest this week. Tell me who was the first Reggae artist to use a Vocoder and in what album? Finally – a wise person said that “Auto-tune and karaoke give crappy singers an outlet to express themselves without being ridiculed. Everyone sounds good in auto-tune. As for karaoke, well, let’s just say if you boo someone who is doing karaoke, you just don’t have a soul.” Sing naturally on, and submit your comments!

“Stop that whistling, no whistling in the house” I was just about to tell my son, then I caught myself. “Why is that,” I thought, “Why do we say that it is bad luck/bad manners to whistle in the house? “ I know when I was growing up that my great-grandmother told me not to, and my grandmother told me not to, and of course, my mother, in turn, said the same thing. “But why?”  I used to ask them about that, but I have never received a proper answer. Come to think about it, I have never received any answer whatsoever. Hmm…

When I hear my son whistling, my spirits lift, because I know that he is in a good mood, and he is not really a bad whistler at all – his “tunes” fill the house, just like when I hear my daughter singing some made up song. So why should I stop him from whistling, when it is his way of expressing his particular happiness this morning? I decided to take a look on the great “Tome of Knowledge, “ (the Internet) to see what it had to say about this whistling thing.

After looking around and changing my search a few times, it surprised me to find that I was not alone in my quest. There are quite a few people out there like me (thousands and thousands actually) that were wondering the same thing. And from what I found, this whistling in the house ban looks like it has a lot of its background all the way from old Russia. Yes, in the old Soviet Union, this is a popular superstition. I am not sure how we got it here in Belize, much less how it turned into a thing of bad manners, but we have it, and here I am trying to pass it on to my son.

Actually, as I looked around, I discovered that many of the superstitions we have in Belize are not at all uniquely Belizean. What happens if your eye has a twitch? What if it is your left? Or your right? What does it mean when your left palm itches? Or your right? What about the bottom of your feet? I have heard these things for years, but societies all over the world have pretty much a meaning to each. Some may have the results reversed, but for the most part, they are all on par with us here in Belize.

What happens when a picture of a person falls from the wall? Can a pregnant woman really pass by a snake without being bitten? Will a child born with “caul” really be spiritually gifted? Can we open that umbrella in the house? Was I really responsible for stunting the growth of my cousin when I walked over her feet when she was little? (Strange, now she is taller than me!) And finally, will that upside-down broom behind the door really make those unwanted or long-staying visitors leave?

What about you? Do you all have any superstitions that I should know about? I want to know, so I can make sure that all my children get to hear about them. Leave your comments!

Since I drive a good distance to work every day, I have been making some mental observations about people that I see on the side of the road hitchhiking. Apart from walking or bicycling, this form of transportation appears to very popular, and despite obvious dangers, is participated in across the spectrum of race, age, or gender. For the uninitiated, here is my primer on “Thumbing a ride,” from the driver’s perspective.

Hitchhikers must know the hot-spots. Your best bet when it comes to riding free is to analyze the traffic, and note where the vehicles must stop, or at least slow down. These places will be at any sleeping policeman, decent-sized pot hole, or sometimes at a bus stop.  Do not attempt to hitchhike at a stop sign or light – no one will really stop at these locations, and if they are forced to, they will not be in the mood to pick you up.

Once you have positioned yourself, make sure you know where you want to go, and try to look interested! Unless you are seen by a close friend or lover, no driver will pick you up unless you appear to really want that ride. Don’t be ashamed to stick your thumb out – in the direction you want to go – and wave it around. Go ahead, give it a try – this sign means the same the world over. If you stand there looking like a movie star, you will be standing there for a while. A little enthusiasm goes a long way!

Now, about your appearance. Are you wearing flip-flops (for men), sagging pants, an oversized dirty t-shirt? Is your underwear showing? Are you wearing underwear? Are you wearing a “warm cap” in July? Do you have any fresh bullet wounds showing? Any blood at all? Do you have any weapons? (Legal or not). Are you perchance carrying a machete? I ask because the more “yes’” you answer to any of these questions, the greater the chance that you will NOT be picked up.

So you look presentable, now let’s look at your baggage. Normally, any personal bag is acceptable, such as a purse, backback, or briefcase, but what about extras? Do you have a suitcase? Two? Do you have a crucus bag of any kind? Two? Three? Do you have, maybe any animals? Alive or dead, it does not matter unless it is a frozen chicken – you can get by with that, but not so with fish, dead, alive, fresh or frozen. Are any of the animals recently killed, such as those hit by previous vehicles? Again, possessing any of these things will greatly extend your wait.

Now you are all set, here comes a car – should you go for it? Let’s think about that for a minute. Not every driver wants a total stranger – eager, good looking, or Bagless – to get into their car, especially if it is air conditioned. And should you get into a car with black tinted windows? Not a good idea, I will tell you. So what should you do? Well, look for a friendly car, one that has its windows down, plenty of empty seats, and a driver with a friendly smile. Your odds may be even better with a pickup truck, but with the fatality rate of persons thrown from the back of those things, you should note how safely the driver is conducting himself before making yourself his cargo.

Ok, you made it – your’re in! Now what? Say something, that’s what! Don’t just sit there like a lump on a log! You are getting free transportation (hopefully in air-conditioned comfort), so open your mouth and make conversation! Ask about the weather, make some compliments about the car, just –say-something! Nothing is worse for a driver to pick up a stranger, interrupting his karaoke practice, adding weight to his car, putting strain on the already bad shocks, than having a mute passenger. It is a major faux-paux to do this to your chauffer, and you can be assured that you will never be picked up by that driver again! Speak!

Finally, you are at your destination (or your driver is at his), and it is time for you to hit the road. Please say thank you. Yes, those two simple words are all you had to pay to get where you were going. Make sure you take your bag with you (especially if you had fish hidden in it). Your driver will not be happy if he has to go looking for you to return your belongings. And the next day, when you are hitchhiking again, please do not assume that because the driver passes that way every day that he will pick you up daily. You have no carpooling rights – unless a financial agreement is agreed upon.

I hope that this will help the greenhorn hitchhiker, and increase his/her odds of getting that free ride.